Forgiveness and Judgment have their place in life.
When I do something wrong I want forgiveness and understanding now and don’t want judgment in the same time frame. Sharing something that I feel bad about makes me vulnerable, especially because it is the harder task to complete, at least in the short term. When I share I know there are two ways that the listener could react. This is oversimplified, but the response could be one of fundamentally forgiveness or judgment. One feeling will dominate this situation, rarely will it be so clear cut -normally a mix of the two.
I wish that the process of forgiveness was as short as possible and that the judgment would cause as small an impact as possible. I think it is just as important as the listener to commit to forgiveness as it is to commit to judgment, and more specifically, commit to processing the impact of actions good or bad. Saying things are ok when they still have an impact is not good for you or your relationships.
Why do we shy away from hard words about actions? I guess we could talk about the relative impact of negative feedback being greater than positive impact. Within business it is estimated that negative feedback is something like 30 times more ‘powerful’ than a positive impact.
It is so easy to fall into the trap of wanting someone to do the best for us, sometimes even going so far as getting angry when they don’t. And yet, when we make a mistake, the judgment is more then unwelcome. I think the importance of processing the impact of a decision and not underselling or dismissing those actions is vital to your growth as a person and the healing of a relationship. This will also allow us to appreciate and accept forgiveness for choices that aren’t so great.